Friday, April 29, 2016

I Awoke Today(Suddenly Nothing Happened)

My mom always said "When my ship comes in...."  She had her eye peeled on the horizon, but I don't think her dream ship ever came into the port of fulfillment.  My mom passed on with not a whole lot happening in her life.

Our desire for fulfillment, our discontent with reality, and the subjection to the seeking mechanism---which is absolute frustration---drives us to improve.   And yet we never seem to see what our mind has envisioned. Some would say they do see it(fulfilled), but even that is inarguably temporal. And what is real, is not temporal.

My greatest struggle isn't what could be, but living what is.  Real life is right now. It's the deficits, the wounds, the injustices, the overwhelming losses of lovers and friends,  and the apparent horrible choices, which piles the bullshit on top of me. There are days it smells to the high heavens.

Real life is always now , even though we wish it could be something different. My next natural inclination is to then improve myself.  But this is the mind, not the Spirit. 

"He makes me lie down."

Some will never get this. They'll just keep driving themselves into the dust. Serpents feed on such thinking.

What is the plan, God?  You seem to be insinuating that now is the plan. 

"I awoke today. Suddenly nothing happened. But in my dreams, I slew the dragon.  "

The dragon is the ego and it's mind and consciousness, but it's done.  The dragon is the thinking that insists it get done, but the reality is that I'll never get it done and it's baked into the cake.

One generation from my mom, I have decided there is no ship coming in and I've bowed my head and learned to let the waves crash down on me.  It's just the way it is and the soul has to learn to sit in whatever breaks on it.

"I awoke today. Suddenly nothing happened. But in my dreams, I slew the dragon. Walking in my old footsteps once again  And you say "just be here now, forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin. Let me throw one more dice, I know that I can win."

When we awake, we'll stop circling in our old footsteps, stop rolling the dice, realize this is all a drama, we're all the cast of characters---masks included.   And what is beneath the mask is beyond our wildest dreams. 

"Don't you understand, I already have a plan?"  I don't think I do, God. I had my own plans. You said "No, Dennis" to them.  It was devastating to feel God tell me "No", but worse to have to start over with next to nothing but the clothes on my back.

I guess we'll see what God's plans are. I'm learning to live in the now. I hope the plan is all in all.  That would be quite a plan to wake up to.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

What If?

What if the work God had for you to do was all about less, and not more?

What if it didn’t matter how much impact we could make on others, and what mattered instead was our own capacity to be impacted?

What if we allowed the things we reject in one another to be what draws us together?

What if the ideal order so many desire is disorder to God and opposed to faith.

What if we were so secure in whom and what we are, and what we have been created to do on this earth, that nothing could shake us from our mission to love one another?

What if God said “Don’t change.”?

What if God gave you the opportunity to change one thing, and only one thing? Would you let Him choose, or would you want to choose what you could change?

What if God gave you the opportunity to influence two people in your life? Would you let Him choose who they were, or would you prefer to choose them yourself?

What if everything you were doing in His name was impeding the work He had for you to do?

What if it were God’s will for you to stay at home and mind your own business?

What if it were God’s will for you to leave everything you have worked for and go away?

What if it were God’s will for you to never know what God’s will was, just so he could see what you would do with your time?

What if it turned out that being right didn't count? What if winning didn't count?

What if the things you fixed about yourself were the things God was planning to use?

What if your perfect life knocked the handle off the door to your heart?

What if God doesn't believe in money?

What if the thing God loved about you most was the thing you hated the most about yourself?

What if God got to decide what was the best of you?

What if you found out God was perfectly happy with your life just the way it is?

Who gets to choose your best, most abundant life - you or God?

- Jo Hilder

Thursday, April 7, 2016

The Genuineness of Faith

Grace to you and peace be multiplied.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,   to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,   who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials,   that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,   whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,  - 1 Peter 1: 2-8

Thursday, March 10, 2016


My heart
How far it's gone astray
I died another death
 To you
In the eye of this inconvenient storm
Your tempest carried me away
You're my storm
My easterly wind
Your warm winds no longer behind
Those currents we would ride
Now gone
From One (anothers) side
No shielding from this pain
You are my hurricane